you traded sex for a burrito?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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