Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
