Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
