the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
