her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
