he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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