My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
