But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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