Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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