Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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