it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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