That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
