woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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