im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
