Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will be naked everywhere
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
