You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
