people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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