I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
