You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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