Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
