I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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