he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
