I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
