I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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