She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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