6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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