the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
