Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
