i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
