I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
