I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
