why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
