i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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