So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Verdict: uncircumcised.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
