I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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