dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
false alarm, still single
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
