You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
