That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
