I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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