so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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