he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
