If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
