Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
