i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
