one two three fourrrrnication!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
