the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
