Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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