is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
