Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
