cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
