I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
