I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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